Author: Calise Sellers (Page 1 of 2)

Hi, I'm Calise!  (Cah-leese)  I'm a little bit all over the place: a little geeky, a little bubbly, a little sarcastic, and more than a little bit passionate about pretty much everything.  I'm likely to get enthusiastic about anything from cloud storage to doll painting, historical underwear to uplifting the human spirit.

I hope you follow me on this journey, as I continue to figure out "who the crap is Calise?"

Prequel Scenes | Frank and Dania

A few prequel scenes, 20 years before Barry Anderson takes place!

I’m trying to let myself post more frequently instead of waiting until everything is perfectly polished and in order. I think it’s more fun to share scenes and let everyone get to know the characters along the way.  Helps against my perfectionism as well.

It’s Halloween season 1999, and Frank Anderson is in the middle of his accounting major.

Previously, Frank had wandered into a funky little shop because his girlfriend, Virginia, wanted incense. Their relationship has been rocky lately…

…and the girl working in the shop was so very cute.


Frank Anderson tried to be nonchalant as he walked into the quirky little incense shop, running a hand through his hair.  This was dumb, he knew; he didn’t even know if she was working today, and he was supposed to meet Virginia later!  But he’d been right down the street and the idea of seeing her again had pushed away his misgivings about taking a detour into the store.  If she wasn’t there, he’d probably pretend to be really into the graphic t-shirts for a minute before turning right back around and leaving.

But there she was, behind the jewelry case filled with rocks, underneath the funky mismatched lamps: the dignified brunette who had helped him buy incense his first time in the store.  She looked up to see who had come in, and lit up with a smile that she probably used for everyone, but excited Frank, it being turned on him.

“Hi!” she said warmly, voice magically both breathy and sturdy. “Need any help finding anything today?”  As casual as the shop atmosphere was, she wasn’t wearing a uniform, but her outfit was pretty (actually quite sexy), and looked like she could have walked out of the show Charmed, with a silky, dark red halter top and black jeans.

“Uhh,” Frank hesitated, readjusting his glasses.  He should have worked out more of a game plan in case she was working!  “Mostly looking today.”  Doh, that was a bad move!  He should ask for her help so he’d get to talk to her!

“Okay, well let me know if you need anything,” she smiled, and went back to whatever she was looking at.

Just ask about something, anything, Frank thought.  “So what’s the deal with the fancy rocks?” he pointed with a smile.  “I’m assuming people aren’t just spending $6 on a piece of specularite because it’s pretty.  And this doesn’t really seem like a geology major hang-out.”

She seemed surprised he was striking up a conversation with her.  “No.  They’re mostly types of crystals.  People buy them because they believe they have different spiritual and magical abilities.”

Frank raised a skeptical eyebrow, worried about offending the cute girl, but definitely not a believer when it came to “magic” or most spirituality.  “And do they?  Have magic?”

The pretty girl got a mischievous smile on her elegant, long face and shook her head.  “Not like that, no.”

He grinned at her honesty, and was relieved she wasn’t into that hokey stuff.

“They are really pretty though, look!” she said persuasively, pulling a beautiful faceted purple rock out from the back of the cabinet, it casting sparkles on her face.  “Amethyst!”

“Mmhmm, really pretty,” he said, glancing from the rock to her face as he said it.

She seemed to notice and she blushed, busying herself with putting the gemstone back.

“If you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t really seem to go with this place,” he commented, leaning an elbow on the counter to be able to talk more quietly and get closer to her.

She laughed.  “It’s a job.  You’re the one who’s come in here twice!  Doesn’t really seem to go with your vibes either.  Unless you’re a closet weed guy.”

“Not exactly.”  He’d done it once in a while, and it’d been satisfying to slow his mind down, but he didn’t exactly consider himself a stoner or anything.

“Besides,” she grew businesslike suddenly, “I like incense.”  She walked out from behind the counter and over to the large displays of burnable sticks.  “They make it all here now, you know!  And ship it all over the country.  That’s what you bought last time.  Was that what you were interested in today?  We carry so many scents.”

She wasn’t buying his failed attempt to be casual.  “Maybe…” he tried noncommittally.

“Did your girlfriend like your last purchase?” she inquired pointedly.

Oh.  She remembered.  “Uhh, yeah she did, actually,” he admitted.  “I was, uh, trying to get her on my good side… since we’ve been on the rocks lately.”  He wanted to plant seeds there, and it had been true, overall.

“Uh huh,” she said, folding her arms, unimpressed, not letting him off the hook.

“But, y’know, there’s only so much that the granny version of a bong can do for a relationship,” he commented, running his fingers over the dipped tips of the incense sticks in their assorted jars.

She actually laughed at that and he was relieved.  “Well, maybe you should buy a stick for yourself and try it out,” she suggested.

“I don’t think the guys in the house would be keen on me burning girly smelly stuff,” he laughed.  “And they might think I’m doing some kind of weird ritual, trying to summon girls to my room or something.”

She got that mischievous smile again, straightening a weird old tree man statue on a shelf.  “Uh oh, frat boy?” she asked after a second.

“Kinda,” he laughed.  “Technically, yes, but I’m the stick-in-the-mud who tells them they don’t have the budget to throw the parties they’re throwing… and then they don’t listen to me and throw them anyway,” he smirked.  “I’m an accounting major.”

“Mm,” she murmured, sounding more interested than he’d expected.

He hadn’t thought divulging the information exactly sounded “cool” or anything, but he hadn’t wanted to come off like an immature party guy, especially since she looked a couple years older than him.  “Are you in school?”

She seemed surprised at the question.  “Oh… I finished.  A… few years ago.”

Oh, he processed that, startled.  He hadn’t thought she was that much older than him.  She might be like… twenty-five??  He really hoped he didn’t look stupid and immature now.

“I studied Hospitality, but I got bored trying to actually go into a career with it,” she shrugged.  “So now I sell sparkly rocks and toker pins.  Who’da thunk?”  Her blue eyes were beautiful and timeless.

Frank licked his lips nervously, trying to think what to say next, but the door chimed just then.

The enchanting brunette straightened, pulling out of the proximity electricity with Frank and putting her friendly smile back on.  “Hi there,” she said to the new customer, a middle aged woman with fried-looking wavy hair and big John Lennon circle sunglasses, “can I help you with anything today?”

“No, I’m fine,” the woman waved a hand, going for a display in the back.  “I know exactly what I need!”

Her job fulfilled, the cute shop girl leaned back against the incense display with both hands and sighed casually at Frank, expectantly.  Man, she was shaped hot; great hips in her tight, slightly flared black jeans, her whole body slender but still nicely curved.

“I don’t think I caught your name last time,” he quirked a smile at her, keeping his voice low since there was someone else in the store now.

Her thin brows went up.  “Oh, probably not.  It’s Dania.  Dania Duffy.”  She nodded to herself.

“That’s really pretty!” he told her.  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that; ‘Dania.’”

“Thank you!” she beamed.  “I like it.  I don’t think you told me yours either.”

“Uh, Frank Anderson.”

“Well, that is an accountant name!” she teased.  “Did you walk out doing taxes so they named ya?”

He laughed, feeling his cheeks warm, which they didn’t do often.  “Basically.”

“I’ve picked out my stuff!  I’m ready!” the other customer wheezed, dropping a bunch of crystal pendants, enamel pins and matchbooks on the counter.

“Perfect!” Dania raised her voice cheerily.  “I’ll check you out, just one second!”

Frank was going to lose her conversation, but he was out of things to say.  But to his shock, she looked flatly at him for a moment, not walking back over to the cash register yet.

“You’re not going to buy anything, are you?” she asked, humored.

“Oh, uh, I… I could…” he glanced around, trying to find something he’d remotely want, to try and make the interaction seem worth her while.

She sighed again, giving him a look like she was talking to a little boy.  “Frank, do you want to go get coffee sometime?”

His eyebrows shot up.  “What?  Oh, uh, yes!  I’d love to go get coffee with you!”

“Good!” she said, proud and long-suffering.  “I need to go back to work now.  Call the shop later and I’ll give you my number, and we can decide when to meet for coffee, okay?”

“Uh, yeah, sounds great!” he stammered, still too shocked to form intelligent sentences.

“Okay,” she smiled.  “Seeya later, Frank.”  And with that she walked with a sexy hip-swish, back over to her place behind the counter and started cheerily interacting with the woman buying ‘magic necklaces.’

And Frank left the shop, feeling a little bewitched.


I was going for a very ‘90s/’00s Whimsigoth vibe for Dania in this scene, like she suspiciously could have walked out of Charmed, Buffy, or Practical Magic.  She’s a classy young woman with polish, and definitely no magical secrets.  …Definitely.

I use Annapantsu’s extra sultry cover of W. I. T. C. H. by Devon Cole here, and I’m obsessed with how cheeky it feels for Dania. The young, bespectacled future accountant encounters a confident blue-eyed beauty with a mysterious femininity that leaves him enchanted—while I get to have fun with the irony, because Dania is quietly winking at the audience the whole time as she leaves him feeling bewitched.

(Yes, it’s canon that Dania is a huge Bewitched fan because of how it mirrors her own love story)

I relish in the irony of writing a skeptic who has no clue what genre he just stepped into.

 

Maybe a year or less later, Frank and Dania have been dating for a while.  They’ve used “The L Word,” and are both flirting around the edges of the marriage-talk.

Frank loves his average life with average things in it.

I’ve never seen the action-thriller movie The Accountant, but when I was looking for Frank music, I encountered the eponymous theme song and knew I needed it for Frank, happily lord of his contented mundane domain.  It’s routine, and he likes it that way.  It’s the kind of life you can steer and wrap your head around.  It’s safe, and in his control, with Dania as the beautiful ribbon on the top of his brown box life.

But the ominous notes at the end show a slight vignette on his magazine picture, a browning on the edge of the pumpkin patch.  What if his unfettered desktop utopia has something shimmering beneath the surface, like snake scales?


“You doing okay?  You’ve barely touched my French fries,” Frank teased with a smirk.

“Hmm?” Dania murmured.  Yeah, she was obviously quite distracted.  After a moment she seemed to process what he’d said and she laughed.  “Do I really eat that many of your fries?”

He put his hands up.  “Hey, did I complain??”

She smiled gratefully, but her expression was almost instantly swept away with worry.  “Frank… can we go walk after we’re finished here?”

Uh oh.  That didn’t sound good.  He swallowed and tried to smile nonchalantly.  “Sure.”

She ate a few of his french fries in relief.

 

Dania was uncharacteristically quiet as Frank drove to the park she’d requested, one they’d visited once before, the one with the old bridge over Four Mile Creek.  It was already getting dark and Frank considered bringing up that the park might close at sunset, but his girlfriend was intent in a way that told him this was important to her.  Dania Duffy was a very accommodating person… until she wasn’t.  And it was in those times he’d learned to give her what she wanted, for her wrath was much more intimidating than her usually beaming smile hinted.

She gave him a nervous smile as he parked.

“I didn’t wear my walking shoes on our date,” he pointed out.

She gave him a pensive smile.  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to drag you off out into the dark woods or anything.”

Frank immediately chuckled.  “I just meant that accountant shoes give you blisters if you try to hike.”

Dania nodded, distractedly.

“Do you have good enough shoes to walk?” he asked, brow furrowed.

She smiled more genuinely, grateful for his concern.  “I, uh, changed my shoes in the bathroom before we left the restaurant.”

“Oh really?” he asked, surprised.  “I didn’t even notice.  Sometimes I swear you conjure more shoes out of thin air.”

“Heh,” she laughed to herself, tucking her pretty brown hair behind her ear.  “You should know by now that I have essentially an endless supply of shoes,” she winked.

He smiled too.  She was very cute and girly about it.

He came around to her side of the car and opened her door for her, like he always did.

“I appreciate what a classic gentleman you are, Frank,” she said earnestly.

He grinned modestly.  “If you want to earn a lady, you gotta treat a girl like one.”

She really seemed to like that.

He locked his sedan and squeezed her hand, and they walked like that from the parking lot to the trailhead.

Dania seemed to be relaxing more.

Frank pointed to the sign with park rules and hours.  “Technically, it looks like it’s about to close, so hopefully no cops will come turn us into pumpkins at midnight.”

Dania visibly stiffened, closing his fingers in a vice-grip suddenly.

What was that about?!  Did she have some traumatic history with the police that he didn’t know about??  He’d never seen her act this way.

“Dane, I’m joking,” he pointed out.  “I don’t think anyone will care if a couple is taking a romantic walk after dark.”

“Oh, I knew you were joking!” she said, still obviously flustered.

“…Okay,” he said skeptically.

They walked a few paces and Dania was glancing around nervously.  It was a pretty wooded nature park, with a thin, paved trail, but Frank felt much too distracted to notice much about the inky trees silhouetted in the fading light, or the sounds of evening birds and crickets.

Dania was walking faster than she usually did, and finally took a determined breath.  “Franklin…?”

His brows rose quizzically.  Sometimes she called him the more formal version of his name when she was being flirty, but sometimes she did when she was being serious or annoyed with him, he’d discovered.  “Yes…?” he replied teasingly.

“Do you ever wonder if there’s more than just the normal, visible world?” she asked, a tad desperately.

That was not the direction Frank had anticipated whatsoever and he felt his defenses rise immediately.  “Dane, I told you that you can believe anything you want, as long as you don’t ask me to.  You can be Christian or Jewish or whatever you want to be, as long as you don’t push anything about God on me.”

“Oh!  That’s not what I’m talking about,” she blinked at him in the darkness, looking shocked.  “I was thinking a little more… secular but supernatural.”

“…That’s against the definition of ‘secular,’” he said flatly.

“Oh, is it?” she worried.

“I mean, yeah,” he said.  “Are you talking about ghosts or aliens or something?”

“Um, closer,” she murmured.  She sighed like this was already going badly.  “I was thinking more like magic…”

He rolled his eyes in the darkness, although she probably couldn’t see.  “No.  I don’t believe in magic.  Aside from maybe the Arthur C. Clarke quote about sufficiently advanced technology being mistaken for magic.”

“I mean, define ‘technology,’” he was pretty sure she mumbled.

“What?” he asked.

She sighed grumpily, like this was definitely not the way she’d wanted the conversation to go.  “Maybe I should just show you, but I’d want to get farther in, first.”

An owl sounded in the trees.

“Show me??” he questioned, step faltering.  He turned to look at her, letting go of her hand.  They were walking deeper into the dark and lonely woods and she was starting to freak him out a little bit.  “Dane, may I remind you of the fact that I enjoy neither surprises, nor pranks?”

“It’s not either of those!” she insisted, sounding hurt and like this was slipping out of her hands quickly.  “I mean, it might be a bit of a surprise, but that’s not the point.”

He was not walking forward with her.  “The hot vampire thing is kinky and all…” he teased, trying not to panic about the weird mood in the air.

Dania scoffed, hands on her hips.  “I’m not a vampire!”

“Are you married and your serial killer husband is going to come and skin me alive?!” he suggested another possibility.

She snorted loudly.  “No.”

“If this is all a ruse to tell me that you’re married—”

“Franklin.  I’m not married.” Dania said flatly.

“Okay, good.  Are you a witch?” he laughed.

“Closer!” she said frustratedly.

“What?!” he cried.

“I mean, I’m not that either!” Dania said quickly.

“Oh god,” Frank rubbed his forehead.  “Dane, I really like you, but if you’re way into the sage burning, incantation chanting, ouija board stuff, dancing under a full moon with your girls club around a cauldron in the woods, I swear I’m out.”

“That’s not—!  (Well, some of that is fair, but not for those reasons…)” she started and stopped.

“Dania!” he shouted, rarely one to raise his voice.  “Tell me what’s going on!”

She glanced around in the essentially dark.  No one was around.

Frank waited, arms folded.

“I’m a fairy.”

He understood all three English words out of her mouth, and yet she couldn’t have said that.

There was an interminable silence.  He expected her to take it back.  Instead she added a fourth word, simply.

“I’m a fairy godmother.”

Frank swallowed, hurt.  “Dania, if you wanted to break up with me, you could have just done it at the restaurant.  You don’t have to make s*** up.  It doesn’t let me down easier or anything.  Especially this absurd—!  I told you ‘I love you!’”

“Franklin, I’m serious,” Dania murmured, worriedly.  “I’m a fairy godmother, like my mother before me.”

“…What, like a social services program?” he suddenly hoped she was just talking about some good-doer-y program for women around town to donate dresses to underprivileged girls, and knit baby blankets anonymously.

She exhaled wearily.  “No.  Like in storybooks.  The kind that appear and grant wishes.”

Frank snorted with utter skepticism, not sure how else to react.  “Do you get real tiny too?”

He could barely see her face, but she was frowning with displeasure.  “Those are pixies.”

“Of course they are.”

“There are several types of fairies, but I’m a fairy godmother, we’re the all-female type of fairies,” she was going on.

“Uh huh,” he replied, entirely unsure how to respond.  How were you supposed to react when your girlfriend told you she believed she was the Easter Bunny??  Was this what he got for dating someone this attractive?  Maybe something had to be wrong with someone both that beautiful and sweet, and he’d been naive to think otherwise.

Or was she just screwing with him?!  If it wasn’t so dark, he’d have wondered if the Candid Camera crew was hiding in the trees.

“But there’s a whole world of magic, behind the scenes…” Dania was saying passionately, tugging his hand to try to get him to walk further.

“Are you taking me to your unicorn and mermaid friends?” Frank asked flatly.

She dropped his hand and there was a long, hurt quiet from her.  “You don’t believe me at all, do you?”

“Dania… you are just expecting me to believe that not only do fairies exist in the world, and pixies too, apparently, but that you are one?!” he said, trying to reason with her. 

She was silent for a long second, and then turned on her heel and strode away from him, deeper into the woods, toward the creek.

“Dane!” he called worriedly.  He wasn’t sure why she was acting like this, but he surely didn’t want her to get nabbed by a serial killer in the woods alone!  She didn’t stop and he followed her at pace.  “I don’t know what’s going on, but we can talk about… this.”  Whatever “this” was.

She came to a place beside the water, secluded in the darkness of the trees, away from the walking path, and stopped, facing him.  Frank stopped too, bewildered about what she was doing.

She reached into her pocket, and at this point Frank half expected her to pull a gun on him.  But no, it looked like a stick, in the bare light.

There was a last pause, with just the croaking of the creek toads.

The stick suddenly came to life with red sparks and Frank wondered if it was a road flare—

… until it rose out of her hand and hovered in the air.  Surely this was some trick, he thought as he watched the object levitating.

… Maybe aliens weren’t a far-fetched backup story??

The stick spurted like a glitter lava lamp full of ethereal red slime and it illuminated the whole glade around them as if there were a crimson bonfire.  It swirled around Dania’s body and her lovely face was determined and maybe a touch smug as it lifted her body slightly off the ground, morphing her shoes and clothes like computer graphics, right before Frank’s wide eyes.

Before he could process it, really, it had transformed her cute, casual date outfit into glittery red high heels, and a glamorous red dress.  It changed her hair too, to a saturated deep scarlet tone, and lengthened it.  But none of that freaked Frank Anderson out half as much as the gigantic wings that exploded from her back!!

He cried out and stumbled backwards a few feet.  “Holy s***!”  He wiped his glasses on his shirt as if the whole thing could somehow have been mercifully caused by a smudge on his lens, or his astigmatism.

Despite the situation, Dania chuckled.  “There’s nothing to be scared of, Franklin.  I was telling you the truth.  I’m a fairy godmother.”  Her wings glowed faintly red in the black of the forest, and they fluttered just like a butterfly.

“Am I asleep?” he checked.

“Nope,” she said sweetly.

“Am I stoned??”

“Not a bit!” she beamed.

“Do you live in a flower?” he wondered, dazed.

“No,” she smiled.  “You’ve seen my apartment.  I do enjoy gardening, though.”

“You cast spells?!” he asked, scared.

“Yes,” she said, “but mostly godchild wishes, not like witchy stuff.  We do, in actuality, make a lot of dresses.  We specialize in transformation magic.”

“…Is that why you’re so beautiful?  Transformation magic?” he asked with some desperation.

She laughed, and in retrospect it was a fairly fairy godmother-ish laugh.  “You’re sweet.  But no, this is just me.”  Her now-red brows lowered in consideration.  “Although I am…”

“What??” he asked, not sure what other stuns he could take right now.

She seemed to think better of whatever she had been about to say.  “We can talk about that later.”

 

Frank drops her off that night in an awkward emotional place, not sure where it leaves them.  The next day…

 

Even the tinkling of the bell on the store door made Frank jumpy.

Dania didn’t look up at the sound, helping a customer at the front counter with the “magic rocks” they sold there.  Frank felt like everything he saw was in a new and jarring light.

“Mythology says that amethyst is supposed to protect against drunkenness, but I’ve never met a student who was saved from a hangover by it!” she was laughing to the college girl she was showing the purple rock to.

She was still his sensible girl, he thought hopefully. …She just believed in magic now. … But so did he, after he’d seen it with his own eyes!

He’d walked a little farther into the store, hands going into his pockets uncomfortably; guiltily, maybe.

Dania glanced over, and her expression turned serious and worried, a pensive frown on her beautiful, elongated face.  “When you decide, just ring the bell, okay?” she pointed for the customer’s behalf.  She gave Frank a weary smile, and then turned toward the back room.  “Clay, I’m going to buzz out a little early,” she called to her coworker in the back.  “You’re here until close, right?”

There was affirmation and she disappeared for just a second—well, not literally, he thought. … Although she could do that!  So weird.  But, no, in this case she just left line of sight behind the curtain of the back room for a moment—and came back a moment later with a cardigan and a purse, probably having clocked out.

She walked purposefully towards him, clutching her bag tightly.  She didn’t say anything, letting him lead the interaction.  He appreciated that.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” she agreed.

“You wanna walk?”

She nodded.

They left the store and started silently down the sidewalk beside the brick road of High Street.  It was dusk again and the street lights were just coming on.  It was a pretty downtown, with old Midwestern architecture.  Frank had briefly considered being an architect, and the constantness of the buildings and the brick all around felt steadying when she’d made his world topsy-turvy.

“How are you doing?” Dania asked, still quiet.

He thought it was very sweet that she was worried about that, rather than offended by his reaction to her being a — an outlier.

“It’s been a rough 24 hours, not gonna lie,” he shrugged.

She nodded, looking disappointed.  “It’s a lot to take in.  Part of me worried I’d never hear from you again.”

“I have more integrity than that, Dane!” he said, a little hurt.

“That makes sense,” she sighed.  “Well, at least I told you before we were engaged or married, right?  Unlike Samantha in Bewitched.”

He was stunned that that could have been something that she’d concealed from him until it was too late for him to make his own decisions about it!  “I—No, thank you.  I didn’t realize that was a thing to appreciate.”

“I didn’t want you to feel like I’d ensorcelled you into anything,” she said mopily.

They were almost to campus and he stopped her between a Catholic church and a tattoo parlor, turning her around with a nudge of her shoulder.

She looked up at him with tragic, beautiful blue eyes.  Before saying anything, he placed a hand on her back and brought her close, kissing her intently on the mouth.  She returned it, sad right down to her lips.

He held her mouth intently, trying to reassure her through the gesture.

When they parted, she watched him with sweet expectancy.

“Dania, I’ve decided that I love you more than I don’t want magic to exist,” he said firmly.

She laughed in surprise.  “Is that a large amount?”

He nodded seriously.  “If I’m being completely honest, I would love to ostrich right now, and pretend that it was all a hallucination.  But I have to come to terms with it.  Especially if I want to marry the most amazing person… who happens to be a fairy godmother, apparently.”

She smiled like she was starting to hope.  “I love you too, Franklin.”

He returned the smile with relief.

“Being a fairy is a huge part of my life though,” she told him earnestly.  “Are you going to be okay with that?”

He swallowed and then nodded with determination himself.  “I might need to understand more about it.  But it seems like you use it to help people.”  He chuckled with an uncomfortable shrug.  “Well, yeah, not like I’d expect anything less from you.”

She looked grateful for the compliment.  “Yes.  A fairy godmother’s duty is to support her godchildren, to raise and teach them as if they were her own, no matter what their circumstances.”

He gave a slow nod, not sure what to think about that description.  He started walking again and she fell in beside him.  “But you can have children of your own?  With a human?”

“We don’t usually call you guys that, but yes,” she affirmed.

He raised a skeptical brow at her.  “What do you call ‘us’?”

“‘Mortals,’” she shrugged honestly.

He stopped in his tracks again.  “Are you immortal?!”

She chuckled.  “It’s a bit of a misnomer.  We have expanded life expectancies.  But we still die eventually, and can die of non-natural causes; like I could be shot, or die in an earthquake, or if you dropped a house on me.”

“…The Wizard of Oz parallel doesn’t exactly instill confidence about you not being a witch, Ms. Duffy…” he pointed out.

“If I’m a witch, I’m a good witch,” she grinned.

“Seems like that’s what a bad witch would say too,” he said sardonically.

“Yeah, but I’m prettier than a bad witch,” she teased.

“That you are,” he agreed wearily.  “So will you, like, not age??”

“Uhh,” she grew cagey and uncomfortable.

His brows rose.  He hadn’t been sure if he’d been joking or not.

“I will.  Just… slower.”  She seemed quite nervous now, and she stopped their walking this time.  “Frank, I’m thirty-one.”

He choked a little bit.  “You’re… eleven years older than me?!”

She got a proud and chagrin smile.  “Well, you’re kinda a baby, Anderson.”

He gave her an unamused look and started walking again.  He considered more implications.  “You can still have children for a while though?”

“My mom was sixty-five when she had me,” she shrugged.

The walking immediately stopped again.  “Your mother is ninety-six years old?!”

Dania just nodded, humored.

“I thought she looked great for sixty-five!”

“Fairy menopause is around eighty, and has much less dramatic symptoms than mortal menopause,” she explained simply.

“You could have kids until you’re eighty?!” he shook his head.

She gave him a little smile.  “I mean, I’d rather have them before I’m forty, if you have any volunteers to sire them.”

He chuckled in spite of himself.  It was all a lot!  But he did love her…  “I might know a guy.”

She looked relieved that that was his reply.

“But so, these kids… they’d be half-elf or whatever?” he wondered.

“They don’t really call us ‘elves’ anymore, Frank.”

“I’m sorry if I’m not politically correct to fairies yet, Dania.  I’m trying,” he said, exasperatedly.

“I’m not offended, it just sounds weird,” she shrugged.  “Yes, our children would be half-fairy.  Half-fairies have somewhat longer lifespans, but shorter than full-fay.  And if we have daughters, our oldest girl would inherit my magic and be a full fairy.  I got my powers at sixteen.”

“It’s matriarchal inheritance?” he asked curiously.

“Well, yeah.  It’s fairy godmother magic.  It’s the female type,” she explained obviously.

“Progressive of it,” he joked.

“It’s been that way back when fairy mothers were village medicine women, honey,” she smiled.  “It’s not exactly newfangled.”

That made sense, although the idea of fairies having always been there, lurking in the background of society, like a sparkly conspiracy theory, definitely made him skittish.

“But you’d be okay having a fairy godmother daughter?” she wondered, brown brows low and adorably worried.

He sighed.  “Dania, if she’s anything like you, I bet she’ll be the best fairy godmother anyone could imagine.”


I love these scenes as a kind of landscape painting for the backdrop of Barry.

If you haven’t read where this is going, there’s a tonal shift ahead—toward a boy growing up torn between two worlds, the accountant and the fairy godmother, and who, for a long time, mostly just wants the normalcy of his driver’s license for his sixteenth birthday.

Frank grows up a lot over the next eighteen years.  He becomes genuinely happy with the fact that his wife is, in fact, an adorable fairy godmother.  But there are still parts of him that forever maintain an uneasy truce with the magic he can no longer pretend doesn’t exist.

And somewhere in that household, long before Barry is even old enough to notice it, there are already definitions being quietly formed about what “Normal Anderson Guy” is supposed to mean.

 

<3 Much love,
Calise

Audiobook with Character Voices!

Happy 23rd Birthday to Barry Anderson 🥳🍇!!

(Even though his birthdate and the year the first novel are taking place are never explicitly stated in the text.  But it says in Chapter 2 that 4th of July is exactly a week after his birthday, so anyone with deduction skillz…)

But in honor of Barry’s birthday, in addition to having a mini party where I eat grapes with my friends, I wanted to post progress on a project I’ve been working on.

One of the weirder but more exciting things I’ve been experimenting with lately is what I’ve started calling “Audio Motion Capture.”

For this version of the audiobook, I record the chapter myself first, so all the acting, pacing, emotions, interruptions, and character inflections are mine. Then I use AI to trace that performance onto different voices.  It’s less “AI reading my book” and more “my voice acting, wearing different costumes.”

Just like visual motion capture makes a performance like Gollum in The Lord of the Rings so full of personality and motivation—because you can still see Andy Serkis behind every expression and movement, while remaining much more immersed than if it were simply a dude in a costume—this method lets every phrase carry the exact emotions and inflections I picture as an author, while immersing you in how the characters would actually sound and how the dialogue should really land.  And I don’t need a giant studio, or an Avatar budget to do it.  It’s a one-woman show, with a mic, Audacity, and a few locally-based AI programs running on my 8gb of VRAM.

This is especially helpful for male voices.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually pretty proud of my voicework for (male) Barry, Frank, and Nick, but it’s still pretty obviously a woman recording her best dude voices.  Don’t worry, Nick sounds even more punchable than before.

One of the more exciting, while perhaps controversial, aspects (AI is already controversial, let’s just pile it on here), is that it also means that I can have consistent voices that go with the characters’ cognition.  Along with Faces being consistent with underlying cognition, Justin and I have found that people of the same cognitive types also have body type patterns, and vocal type patterns.  So with this method, each character has a particular stew of voices of real people from their cognition type, blended to the point that it’s not any of those people anymore, but the voices still follow the vocal typing patterns.  I don’t want to give specific examples of the voices I used because the whole point is to create a new voice that’s fitting for the character, not have Barry sound like any one male INFJ(ej) or have Grape sound like any one female INFJ(ej), or have Dania sound like any one ESFJ(ej).

Down below I’ll have the current voices-draft of 1 – Birthday, cut into named chapter sections, the same sections as on the Table of Contents on the chapter itself.  I’ll make a more permanent page for these in the future, as well as, like, pages of all content in timeline order, etc.

I might also include a few other fun clips, even some sneak peeks of later scenes, out of context, etc.

I don’t think I ever shared links to the updated, segmented clips of Chapter 1 in my regular recording voice, and I’ll share those too.  That way if anyone prefers my good ol’ fashioned audio recording, you’re welcome to listen that way; plus you can appreciate my hard work and the fact that I spend hours upon hours getting the takes I want of these things, and editing them down.

But I hope this is exciting to you guys too.  Limitless possibilities here of immersive radioshows, made all by my lonesome!  Hey, if nothing else, I get excited every single time I hear Barry, my Barry, say his lines in his very own voice.

And with it being a story about transformation, liminality, masks, and how make-believe can reveal truth all its own, I think it’s pretty fitting that I can use technological transformation magic to make all these little pieces come to life… while really, it’s all bits of me!  Theseus’s audio recording, I guess.

Much love,
<3 Calise

Cast Rollcall

ChatGPT suggested it’d be fun to do a comparison reel of all the characters saying the same sentence in each of their tones and voices, side-by-side.  I loved that idea and casually recorded all of them on my lunch walk yesterday!  The raw audio is like 5 minutes, uncut (besides a couple pauses in recording because I was walking beside traffic lol), but then the converted voice clip is short, but I’m very pleased with it!

Raw audio:

“Better than Expected” Character Reel

Out of Context Clips

These character audio clips are later in the story, but shouldn’t be too spoilery if you’ve read what’s posted of the story so far, up through Chapter 3 currently.  Although they will have some spoilers if you haven’t read any of the story!  So if that’s the case, go read Chapter 1 first, or listen below in the 1 – Birthday section.

Nick’s Purpose


Dania – Run on Sentence of Doom

Here’s the raw takes of a particularly hard paragraph in 2 – Lessons, followed by the character voice version of the final take:

Run-on of Doom pt1:

Run-on of Doom pt2:

Run-on of Doom pt3 😤:

Final take, Dania’s voice:


Steven and Grape – “Can’t Live in a Fairy Tale”


1 – Birthday

Disclaimer: Currently the character voice version has AI Calise for the narration on most of the tracks, which sounds pretty darn good, imo.  And yet, it does lose nuances about my vocal performance, so I intend to go back through and do versions with my original narration spliced with the character voices.  I wanted to do it today, but I bit off way too much, lol.  I am eternally extra, sigh.

Make-a-Wish Morning

Original:

Character Voices:

9:42am

Original:

Character Voices:

Glitter Baby

Original:

Character Voices:

Why Do You Want to Tell Everyone?!

Original:

Character Voices:

Flip Book

Original:

Character Voices:

Fairy Name

Original:

Character Voices:

Frank’s Reaction

Original:

Character Voices:

No “Off-Switch”

Original:

Character Voices:

Stairs

Original:

Character Voices:

Purple Stranger in the Mirror

Original:

Uh, so this section has no dialogue 😆so it doesn’t really need a new version.  I found one word that was funny to have in a voice, so I guess I’ll still upload the edit below.

Character Voice?:

Conductor’s Baton/Back for Now

Original:

Character Voices:

Clip from 2 – Lessons

Lastly, I love how this section of Ch2 turned out, Driving Freedom, both my original audio, and with the character voices:

Driving Freedom

Original:

Character Voices:


Huzzah!  Leave me a comment to let me know whatcha think!  Have a nice day!  I’m going to go eat grapes and hot dogs now, in honor of my sweet, crazy, sometimes-boy.

Prequel Scene | Little Barry Anderson

Hi there!  I’m trying to get better at casual posting on my sites.  I’m trying to relearn that passionate and casual can coincide.  Because I’m definitely not going to stop being passionate.  One of the top traits on my character sheet is that I care about things intensely, lol.  So I’m trying to figure out how to mix that with throwing flower petals along my way, letting things get the reactions they get.  If you’re passionate about everything, you can’t very well be perfectionist about all the things you’re passionate about.  To quote a favorite character of mine, “One might go mad.”

So here, with all the cazzz (there is no good way to spell the shortened version of “casual” in English!), is a prequel scene to my beloved flagship story, set when my protagonist is five, from his mother’s point of view.

My writing focus is always the characters, 100% (an EP writer’s first step), and one of my favorite things, since I was a lil tiny writer, has always been jumping to different points in a character’s life and seeing who they are at different check-in points in their lifetime character arc.  Over the years since Barry’s inception, I’ve done that with him more than any of my other characters, with three different main novel plot arcs set at three crucial points in his life—16, 22, and 40—and tons of flashbacks to all the times in between.

For anyone who may not have read my fiction before, this is a silly, seemingly mundane lead-in to the way I write, that is actually critically targeted at the themes of Barry’s story.  There is humorously no mention of the magical elements of the story in this scene at all.  But poignancy happens within the mundane moments of life.  Psyches are shaped in the quiet moments like these, where conversations happen, questions are asked, and childhood worldviews are developed into grown-up ones.

This scene, while on the surface just about a mom of two young boys having the kinds of crazy interactions that little boys have, shows a seemingly simple conversation that shaped who Barry Anderson is, and his relationship with his selfness.  It’s technically foreshadowing… but in a way, aren’t all our childhood experiences foreshadowing for who we become?  Children are such fascinating summations of their grown-up selves, even with all the choices in the world open before them to choose who they ultimately want to be.  It’s always my soapbox that people are both always their forever-selves, and who they chose to be with every ever-changing day.

Barry, in all the ¾-of-a-million words I’ve written of him, is always as portrayed here–passionate, dramatic, a little whiny sometimes, but deeply invested in the questions of the Universe and what defines self, and gender, and what makes people matter.  He grows with every one of the hundreds of thousands of words I put him through (often kicking and screaming), but it’s in the quiet and the silly that the images of the world take shape for him.  This is the seeds of Barry’s relationship with Barry, starting from being very smol.

So, without further adieu, or somethin’, please enjoy five-year-old Barry Anderson… and three-year-old Nick Anderson 😱 !

Continue reading

Barry Chapter 3 Intro

It’s up!  “Sons and Daughters,” Chapter 3 of Barry Anderson: An Unexpected Fairy Tale, is live and you can read it here!  Or go here to start at 1 – Birthday.  (There is also 2 – Lessons but I’m assuming you know how numerical sequentialism works.)

3 – Sons and Daughters 3 – Sons and Daughters

I think quoting my favorite lines would in most cases be either spoilers or punch lines (or my slightly more scandalous phrases like “plug becoming an outlet”).  But to share, some of my favorite moments in this chapter involve Nick playing video games on the internet (😱), Dania and the “real” stories of Snow White and Cinderella, along with why fairy godmother spells have time limits whereas color magic doesn’t, and Grape’s experiences with vintage dresses and spoons, the physics of teleportation magic and weebs, alien plush toys and the Mionn a Draíocht, Lassie and hair ties.  There’s also lots of sons and daughters and the roles they play.

I’m just going to stop telling you guys how long chapters are, so you don’t get scared away… 

Nah, who am I kidding?  It’s 41,232 words and I love every stinkin’ one of them.  Yes, that’s two-thirds of a respectable novel length, in one chapter.  Yes, that means that chapters 1-3 together make 82,666 words and they say 100,000 words is entering “epic novel” length and you sure as inclement weather better have something important to say if you’re going to go off that long.

And Barry is 30 chapters long.  Before the sequels.  And I’m not going to promise this will be the longest chapter. It most likely won’t be, knowing what’s ahead.

But every line is important to the picture being painted.  Believe it or not, with my casual tone and overuse of words like “really” and “stuff,” every phrase and interaction is very intentional.  The way someone moves their eyebrows or when they choose to interrupt says volumes about their internal turmoil, whether they realize it or not.  And Barry has a lot of internal turmoil.

Despite the barrier that length might be for some readers, Chapter 3 is my favorite to this point and I hope it really shows the audience where we’re going, overall.  Two points make a line, but you need three points to make a trajectory, to see whether it’s going to be a straight line or not.  Chapter 3 completes the first small plot arc of the story and finishes establishing the themes and where you can expect this very long story to go.  It has a lot of establishing to finish, before Chapter 4 is off like a rocket into the plot moving forward.

Each chapter is more like a mini era, that turns the plot and character development in its own unique way.  Each has its own attitudes, themes, and events that couldn’t happen in any other chapter because none of the characters are in the same place from chapter to chapter.

To quote Stephen Schwartz, as quoted in 2 – Lessons, which is in turn a paraphrasing of Heraclitus, “You can’t step in the same river twice, the water’s always changing, always flowing.”  I only have 30 chapters over the course of a single year to change this boy’s life, and each one of them needs to do something different.  If anything, I’m rather stunned that 1/10th of the chapters are live now, and mildly sad to never have those three mini eras to write in again, at least from Barry’s point of view.

All that being said, I really hope to get a move on and not post only one chapter a year.  I have other novels to write too, and I can’t wait 27 more years for this one to have its full effect.  Although it’s not like I’ve only been writing chapters 1-3 the past few years by a long shot.  Chapters 6, 8, 12, 15, 16, and 18 are all already longer than Chapter 1 (which was 12,700 words), and there are no chapters with under 500 words written (the climax chapter having the least written prose atm).

But Chapter 3 is very dear to me.  It’s okay if you maybe don’t know what to think at this point, or for a while in this chapter; neither does Barry.  He’s feeling torn every which way and if adults disagree so thoroughly on these topics–things like gender and attraction, fate and destiny, responsibility and trust, fairness and defining yourself–then how is a sixteen-year-old (usually) boy supposed to figure it out?

It’s okay to not be able to tell where I, as an author, stand on these things. 😉  Like Barry’s finding out, the universe has a physics to it, but none of it is simple.

Eh, or just take it as a fairy story.  Like Puck says in Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream:

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream…

To quote Barry in the chapter in question, “Mom, maybe stop trying to make sense of the supposed decisions of a trippy dreamland dimension.  I’m not sure logic and rationality are at work here.”

If you don’t want to yield to themes that offend, feel free to treat my very long writing like a fever dream with a lot of cleavage.  That’s certainly what Barry would prefer to do.

 

Along with the chapter, here are some other Barry features that have been updated, so you know where to find them:

Chapter Quotes

Chapter 3 is the first to go live with its chapter heading quotes, but now these are a staple of all the chapters, and I’ve gone back and put the ones at the beginning of 1 – Birthday and 2 – Lessons.  I have these selected for every chapter through the end of the story and I love how they illustrate and encapsulate each mini-era.

Each chapter has an actual, historically-written quote, written by an author with a national and cultural background that’s relevant to fairy lore, such as Greek, Irish, French, or German, and Barry-relevant specialties, such as philosophers, scientists, or fairy tale writers.

Each chapter also has a plot and theme-relevant song lyric quote from the soundtrack of that chapter, and I have zero pretension when it comes to the songs in this story.  This leads to satisfying and amusing combinations of archaic and high-brow historical quotes, beside goofy pop and children’s song lyrics.  Some of my favorite combos are Socrates and the Spice Girls, Tennyson and Taylor Swift, Aesóp and Elvis, Carl Jung and the Cars, Shakespeare and the Beatles,  da Vinci and CHVRCHES, Ovid and Sofia the First, and the Norse Vǫluspá and Barbie.

But they each triangulate the themes and vibes of the chapter they head, and I hope you enjoy them from here on out.

Song posts

In that same vein, I am planning to have a post for each song in the soundtrack, bringing out its significance to the story and the themes and motifs I use it to illustrate in context.  There will also be posts about the overall motifs of the story, which are a big deal for the meta of the story and symbolism I’m kinda super extra about.  Very few of these posts are up yet—less than I would like—but I hope to post more of these soon.

But I don’t think everyone was aware of the ones that have been posted, so I thought I’d point them out:

The post for St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion) by John Parr discusses foreshadowing, omens of fate, and holding onto the future we planned, when we’re not genre-savvy to the serendipity in our own lives.  Maybe don’t fight the foreshadowing; it’s not always as subtle as we think.

The post for Let’s Hear It For the Boy by Deniece Williams discusses both the vibes of the Barry soundtrack and my beloved use of irony in lyrics, as well as celebrating my protagonist boy and the beloved mess he is.

Those are the songs from Chapter 1, and I only have one of the three songs from Chapter 2 up.

The post about When You Can Fly Again from Fancy Nancy is an exploration into Dania’s motives as she gets overexcited and maybe a little bit silly, not understanding why her little butterfly might not want to go do pretty sparkly things with her, but how much she wants to help him fly.

Considering I finished writing the post for House of Gold by twenty one pilots last October (foolishly waiting to finish the one for Trying On Dresses by Darby, which I still haven’t finished) I’d like to post it soon.  That one is about mortality, legacy, and death in fay culture and Barry feeling torn between his two worlds; it has a lot of pretty and potent prose, if I do say so myself, and I’m anxious for it to be read.

And Chapter 3 has three more songs to elaborate on, so I really hope to write up these things soon.

Chapter Icons

Silly little thing, but a while ago I wanted chapter icons for my own benefit, just simple images that symbolize each chapter, which I could use for my own menus.  I’ve made seventeen so far, and now the first three are on the menu and the chapters.

Chapter Bookmarks

Despite being a mean author who expects people to read 41k words on a single web page, I do actually want chapters to be accessible and don’t actually expect people to read any chapter in one sitting, lol.  So now, at the top of each chapter page, there are actually bookmarks!!  Section headings would throw off the groove of the chapters, but I feel like casually naming parts of the chapter with titles that you’ll understand if you’ve read that part, but won’t spoil ahead of time, actually add to the chapters, hopefully.  So now Chapters 1-3 have sections at scene or concept breaks, every 500-1500 words.  They were really fun to name anyway.

And as I release audiobook versions, I can also break up the tracks at these same breaks and use the same titles.  Ultimately I’d love to have a playlist of all the audiobook tracks, with the soundtrack songs intermixed where-ish they go with the prose and events, so you can just pop the playlist on and get the whole Barry Anderson experience in order.

Which, granted, will eventually take months to listen to 😅 but it’s fine.  Please love me despite my super extra 🙏. 

Media Glossary

Starting with the Extras for Chapter 2, I included a glossary for the non-English words used in the chapter.  (This glossary is going to be crazy long for Chapter 11 and the research might kill me lol.  Although my Arthurian research for Chapter 12 is a lot more extensive.)  Chapter 3 has a decent amount of non-English phrases, so it has that glossary included in the Extras, but 3 – Sons and Daughters also includes a large amount of media and story references (and science-related terms) that Barry often mentions off-handedly.  I want these references to be accessible to readers, even if they haven’t seen all of the media referenced.  So there’s a glossary for these references on the 3 – Extras page.  And, shocking to no one, I used it as an opportunity to commentate, elaborate and joke about the different media, and use them to bring out different things about the story.  Hopefully they’re a fun read, even if you already get the references to FPSs, Star Trek, He-Man, Bewitched, or Fibonacci.  I’m a girl of varied interests–and therefore sometimes so is Barry 😉 –and my references and jokes reflect this.

 

Anyway, in spite of so much preamble, I truly hope that you enjoy 3 – Sons and Daughters, and that it helps you explore complex questions about fate, trust, chaos, gender, and adulthood, with some giggles (and maybe some tears) along the way.

3 – Sons and Daughters 3 – Sons and Daughters

Littler Bits of Calise

So, once upon a time, I decided to try something new.  I mean I often try new things, but this is a new type of new.  Basically, I’m going to try to puke on you guys.  With words.

Really, I’ve just been far too perfectionist for too long and that means “A Little Bit of Calise” has actually been “A Massive Amount of Calise Very Infrequently.”  Don’t get me wrong, I have not grown any less wordy.  In fact I’m planning on posting 3 – Sons and Daughters in the next few days on here, and it’s… Well, if you thought 2 – Lessons was long… *Whistles*

Yeah I can never decide if I’m sorry or not.

But I’ve never been able to keep up with frequent postings because I always feel like I have to maintain a certain standard in everything I post. And that’s stupid.  So this platform that was originally intended to be me screwing around, being Calise and talking about it, has never really served that purpose because I always have to write an epic, or make 500 stick figures, or worry about grammar and comma-overusage! 😩

So, once upon an October 5th, 2022, I decided to screw that.  So sometimes I might post 30 words stating that I have the Wikipedia article for Joan the Wad open, and another day I might post 2000 about how messed up the Greek myth of Pasiphaë is and how I’m fixing it.  Sometimes I might talk about my adventures in making doll wands from toothpicks and unholy uses of hot glue, and others I might go off about why I get so excited using Socrates and the Spice Girls in the same chapter heading.

Basically, my mind is already a busy place with plenty to say, I just want to say more of it publicly and without perfectionism. Otherwise what I share widely will be few and far between.

Or many, but far between.

But I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to keep up with the rambly stuff. I’m just going to let myself say stuff, but go about your lives! Fly free! I will try really hard to emphasize the more important posts and pages so that you don’t miss the important stuff. And I’m open to suggestions about site layout or places to post so that it’s easier for you personally to catch the stuff you want to.

But I guess I’m going to start sayin’ stuff, even if it seems like stupid premises for posts or whatever. Okay? Okay.

Also, Barry has a Facebook page now, if you Like that kinda thing.

Love you, the end.

Barry Anderson Chapter 2! And Extras!

Guys, Chapter 2 of Barry Anderson is live as of today!  {Stadium cheer}  I am honestly so darn proud of 2 – Lessons, although I’ve been putting myself into a panic about posting it, for many reasons.

First, and maybe foremost:  It’s really really long.

You might think I am exaggerating, for my own self-deprecation, or bragging, depending on how you feel about word count, but I am not.  Final clock-in at 28,662 words.  For reference, the longest chapter of all of Harry Potter is around 8,000 words.  I can’t decide if I’m sorry or not.  But I don’t expect anyone to read it in one sitting, unless you want to!  Each chapter of Barry has a unified theme and purpose, and it wouldn’t have worked to chop it.  But I hope it’s not a difficult read.

The chapter is only two weeks long, but it’s a big journey for Barry into a wider world of magical control, and trying to understand if selfness is as changeable as trying on dresses.  It’s a lot of silly, a lot of lore, and a fair amount of thought-provoking.  Thoughts are not the only way in which it’s provocative.  Can’t decide if I’m sorry about that either.

Also, check out the new Enrichment and Extras pages for each chapter!  They’re like DVD extras, but you get to hear more from me!  Which you know you wanted to do, even after 41k words in the first two chapters. 😛  Never can get enough of me, right? 😉

Well if you’re into that kinda thing, I’ve got the pages for Chapter 1 Extras and Chapter 2 Extras up.

There’s a page for each song in the soundtrack, with my reflections on what those songs mean to me in each part of the story, as well as an ongoing look at the themes of the story, and how they’re reflected in the #motifs of the music.  There’s a non-English word glossary (gotta put my Irish-learning to use), my favorite quotes from each chapter, and eventually there will be author chapter commentaries, and scenes written from other character’s points of view.

(FYI I’m finishing a couple of the song pages for Chapter 2; should be up in a few days.  It’ll probably take everyone at least that long to read Chapter 2 anyway.)

I really, truly, hope you enjoy 2 – Lessons.  Amidst so much silly in a chapter, it’s hard for me to own the serious themes of fate, leadership, identity, and whether or not selfness is mutable.

I don’t intend for it to be another 10 months before I post Chapter 3. 😉

<3 Much love,
Calise

Barry Anderson Audiobook – Chapter 1

I guess any chance I had to pretend that I wasn’t the author of this novel went out the window when I recorded an audiobook version of the first chapter, in my voice.

Still, despite the very silly premise, and my inability to do male voices (which is a problem less often in Barry’s case 😏), I think I have decent comedic timing, and it’s exciting for me to hear the correct inflections for each of the characters’ lines.  It feels like I’m listening to my friends talk, even if it’s essentially a very painstakingly edited version of me playing with dolls in my bedroom.

In fact, it took multiple months longer to get this out than it should have, because Audacity decided to flip out and put all my clips into a blender, and delete everything before a certain date, but I went through every single 3 second clip it still had (there were over 3100, and they were all mixed up, and most of them duplicated) to try and salvage what I could.  As it was, the only reason I have the original version of the first 20 minutes (all the actual recording files and bloopers tragically lost), is because I was obsessed enough with listening to myself talk that I’d exported a draft version of the beginning, just so I could listen to it over and over again.

I really wanted to get this up today, because today (June 27th) is Barry’s birthday (is that a spoiler?  I never actually mention the date in the story.  It’s not hard to deduce however), and toiled with extra rush this week trying to get it up, and was still only able to post it this late in the day, trying to get it the best I could.  But oh well, it’s still a good tribute to my favorite little idiot, that I’m managing to post it on his special day.

Hopefully this audio version of “Barry Anderson – Chapter 1: Birthday” will both enable people who find it easier/more convenient to listen than to read to get the beginning of the story, and is also hopefully a fun dramatization of the beginning of a pretty Grape, er, great adventure 😉.

(That link is to the audiobook homepage.  You can listen to the file embedded, or download to listen elsewhere.  For free, obviously, yay.)

Calise Fiction: Barry Anderson Intro

Hi.  So after about 25 years of writing fiction being one of the things I love most in the whole world, I’m finally taking the leap to share one of my novels with the world, in serial chunks.  To share it with you.  I’m about as nervouscited as I could be about this.

If you really don’t want any spoilers about the premise of the piece of fiction you’re about to read, then feel free to go read the first chapter and come back.  It’s pretty clear, pretty quickly what this story is about, and if you don’t want to know the inciting incident before it happens, you can feel free to skip my musings and introduction for now.

For everyone else, here’s what I’d like you to know before you read Barry Anderson.

I think everyone has a different reason for writing fiction, and Justin’s always said if you’re going to write consistent themes and powerful stories, you need to know what that reason is.  I’ve always loved stories, but it took me a long time and a lot of self-reflection to know why writing them mattered so much to me.

Writing has always been the most satisfying art platform for me, having tried and enjoyed acting, dancing, singing, videography, graphic design, sewing and DIY, pottery, painting and drawing, and a bunch of other random stuff.  I maintain that art is all about communicating, especially communicating and evoking emotion, and I believe “good art” is art that communicates its intended emotion well.

This photo went out with all my unsuccessful publisher query letters at 16.  This pic kinda burns me because at 16 I felt so confused who the crap I wanted to be. The final version was cropped, so you couldn’t see the unofficial guide to the Backstreet Boys behind my head.

Writing wasn’t necessarily my favorite because it came easily to me.  I cringe so hard at my undeveloped writing over the years, as I practiced and practiced.  But I always felt like writing was wide open to me, in a way that no other medium could really fulfil.  I learned how to read pretty early, and from then on I felt like words were a tool where the only ceiling was my own ability to use them.  With just a pen or a blinking word processor, I could go anywhere and meet anyone I wanted to, enjoy anything and anyone I wanted to.  I didn’t need expensive materials, or anyone to drive me anywhere.  I didn’t need my frustratingly little hands to be able to learn techniques to emulate what was going on in my head.  I knew how to talk, therefore I knew how to use words to communicate… therefore I could make any world I could fathom.

But that’s just why I liked writing itself, not why my fiction was worth writing.  But that I summed up pretty well through character dialogue I wrote when I was a teenager:
“I like creating something out of nothing, a life where there wasn’t one before… And, I want to make a difference in the world.  I want to make a lasting influence on someone’s life.  I want to share deep messages about inner wars of mind and soul.  I want a chance to explore the beauty of the human spirit… That all sounds kind of stupid, doesn’t it?”

That’s still why I love writing fiction, but it still all sounds kind of stupid to me, which is a euphemism for vulnerable and embarrassing.  And this story might be my most vulnerable and embarrassing of all, which believe me is saying something for my fiction.

Bebe poof Calise on the left, held by Daddy, along with Big Sister.   Always enjoyed being a poof.

I’ve loved fairies since I was itty bitty.  My first ever story, at three years old, was about a cat named “Hay” and his struggle for identity… i.e. he got mad because the farmer said “I’m gonna shovel hay” and Hay misinterpreted it as himself.  So a fairy had to come, deus ex machina, and explain what straw was, and save the day.  It might have been mostly so I could draw a picture of a fairy.  Fairies made everything better.

So many of the doll stories I’d play growing up were about fairies, or mermaids, and their magical exotic sparkly worlds with wings and color-coding.  Fern Gully was my favorite movie, and Crysta was my imaginary friend, and we’d babysit her little sister I made up, and I’d teach flying lessons to my stuffed Big Bird by jumping off chairs.  I’d sing on swings and make up songs about flying… Which I’d sing at the top of my lungs, wanting to be noticed 🤦‍♀️, to the annoyance of my friends who would tell me to stop.

Big Sister and Calise as fairies.  I’m probably about 4 here. 
Man, I hate that 1993 haircut so bad.

I loved the idea of diverse kinds or categories of fairies.  Omigosh, what I would have given for Disney’s 3D Tinker Bell series as a kid! (Or Sofia the First, whom I still relate to, too much.)  I had to settle for one of the few kids VHSs at our little video rental store, about a fairy world and the little girl who got sucked into it.  Kids would make wishes with little rhymes, and then a fairy categorized to their need would show up to help.  I loved how, in fairy stories, everyone seemed to have a job, a place in the world that was uniquely theirs to help in.  Little did I know what a prelude to Type Specializations that was.

But as I grew up, I wanted to write more realistically, and “grittily”.  (So edgy, I know.)  Fairies transitioned to medieval fantasy, and kings and princesses.  But I was never very good at gritty, not in a vacuum anyway.  And it wasn’t really what made me happy to write.

15, wearing the medieval fantasy dress and cape my mom made for me, to a Christmas dance. (Same dress I wore as Galadriel here.)  I loved it so much but felt so embarrassed wearing it.  I got asked if I was supposed to be Egyptian…

I loved situational comedy and coming of age drama, coming from a childhood of watching Saved by the Bell, Boy Meets World, Lizzie McGuire and Kim Possible.  So as a teenager I started writing coming-of-age-sitcom-fantasy-romance… because that’s a genre, right?  (Well in the age of the internet, everything is a genre lol.)

And as weird and random as that was, it seemed I was pretty good at it.  My friends were very supportive (something I didn’t always reciprocate, as I could get a little snobby about writing), and lots of them read my goofy, but very important to me, novel about a teenaged prince who was heir to the throne but couldn’t get a date.  And I got them to laugh!  And said they felt like they knew the characters, which elated me.  Because I knew the characters, and they’d come to be some of my closest friends through those awkward teen years.

That was the story I’d always expected to share with the public first, my beloved, revamped version of Prince Ellic of Dallania, which had accidentally ended up mirroring my own love story.

I didn’t expect to go back to fairies instead.  Barry Anderson was a spin-off from a modern teenaged version of Pinocchio I started in late high school (around 2005)—a teenaged boy made of wood who has to earn his right to be a man; his version of “a real boy.”  I feel like that sounds dumb when I describe it, but it was actually decent.  Actually the above quoted “Creating something out of nothing” dialogue was Nock, teenage Pinocchio, speaking.  Plus I liked noses.  There was a lot of nose humor.

17, first semester away at college, embarrassed selfie. Callous loved that edgy purple and black bracelet, I should try and find another one like it.

But noses weren’t the only thing I had a bit of an obsession with, nor the most embarrassing to me.  One of the few things I loved more than fairies since childhood, was men in women’s clothing… or bodies.

I’ve discussed this several times on the internet, and this probably isn’t the time or place to discuss how I figured out over the course of 30 years that I’m not actually gay, despite finding men in women’s clothes or bodies hot.  (Well, I’m not attracted to women in women’s bodies, for one, heh.)  Sometimes I like to say to my friends “I’m not gay, just kinky.”

But really saying that is just a cover for how deeply guilty I’ve felt over the course of my life for caring about complex gender-oriented exploration and plot lines I worry that will piss off literally everyone.

When you try to explore universe sweeping topics with complexity and without straw men, you’re likely to get both sides mad at you.

This story isn’t politically correct, toward either side of anything.  I happen to believe that politically correct humor is dangerous, in a similar way to how straw man humor is dangerous.  I find that both extremes of the political aisle attempt to censor the other, in a way that means things fester and grow faker with each passing day.  And I consider political correctness to be just another, more passive aggressive, type of censorship.

Censoring people’s words doesn’t change their minds; only being real and open can do that, if people want to change at all.

Reaction to being told there’s a rainbow lens flare on the camera, age 30.  Maybe I’m a mix between a fairy and a leprechaun.  No short jokes please.

I’m not going to preach anything at you, from either pulpit.  I only want to explore complexity via realistic characters making decisions and reacting to things.  There are no villains in this story.  There are less likable people, and people who are various levels of wrong.  Those two categories aren’t necessarily overlapped.  Barry Anderson can be such an idiot, and I couldn’t love him more.

So this is just an exploration of people, of gender, and what selfness even means.  Since those are really loaded topics, I won’t hold it against you if you choose not to read.

If you’re likely to get offended by a story where a boy magically sprouts breasts sometimes (okay, often), then it’s okay to leave.  If you’re likely to get triggered by a story that implies that gender exists, then this story isn’t for you either.

That being said, from tester audiences of close friends, this goofy little story of mine brings up feels in people way more than I anticipated, which I hope is a good thing.  It seems to be much more effective as a literary empathizing invoker than I thought it would be.  So although I think reading and watching media that take us on emotional journeys is helpful, be warned if you do decide to embark.  You are in good company if you react differently than you expected, to my silly little fairy story.

This is definitely not the story I anticipated posting first on the internet, for so many reasons.  I mean firstly it’s about fairies and fairy godmothers.  It’s really really silly.  There’s a whole lore with types of magic, but there’s also way too many descriptions of transformation sequences, ala Cinderella or Sailor Moon.  There’s wands and magic, and a lot of purple.  It’s hardly the story I’d share if my main intent was to be taken seriously.

Sofia the First, Halloween 2016 (27 yrs old).  I’ve gotten better at owning costumes, even if I still feel a little embarrassed.  Here have an embarrassing video with me singing.

But also, despite my repeated admissions of gender-flipped fascination, this is the first time I’ve ever shared something quite this scandalous on the wider internet.  Despite not having any actual sex in it (as opposed to my Freaky Friday-esque, husband and wife, body-swapped, romantic comedy novel, which I do not intend to share with the internet), this story deals very openly with both gender and sexuality, from the point of view of a teenage boy who desperately does not want the ability to turn into a teenage fairy girl.  It has a lot of boob humor, and awkwardness.

I have friends and family of such divergent backgrounds, socially, culturally, religiously, and politically, and I’m honestly much more terrified of anyone I know reading this, than complete internet strangers.  Because this story is so not culturally endorsed by most people of my in-person acquaintance, especially family.

I think Barry Anderson is a tasteful story, and talks about topics that usually get either hidden or yelled about—I hate it when important topics about who people are and how they tick, turn into either taboos, or lobby-bait.  But it’s weird.  It’s a weird little premise, that I think I turn into something pretty darn meaningful.

Sixteen-year-old Barry Anderson’s search for who the crap he is, while his life is going the opposite direction from what he thought he wanted, and everyone is trying to tell him who they think he “should” be, is a journey I think everyone can relate to.  And like I said before, he’s really such an idiot about it sometimes, which I think most of us can relate to more than we’d like, such as dishonestly putting forward an image of ourselves, because we don’t think anyone will want who we really are.

Like how I’d prefer to not admit to people who know me that I write scandalous fiction, or like to write about boys with boobs, but sometimes there’s more important things than what makes us feel comfortable.  And I think sharing Barry is one of those things.

Fairies, in their world of over-the-top sparkly, glittery, fluttery, prettiness, clashed with the story of a boy who wants nothing but to put his head down and be as normal as possible (serious INFJ(ej) Hercules Syndrome), makes for a piece of fiction that I’ve attempted to make both satirical and serious, both humorous and heartfelt.  It’s coming-of-age-sitcom-fantasy-romance at my very best, and for the world of embarrassment it heaps upon me, I couldn’t be prouder of it.

Five-year-old Calise played fairies with her Krystal Princess dolls, and nervously stole glances at her bedroom door, feeling terribly guilty for pretending that one of the fairies was really a boy turned into a girl, and enjoying him squirm with embarrassment.

It was this one by the way; one of my favorites.  And no, the irony of it being the rainbow one is not lost on me.

But somehow, even after relating that story in a post talking about my lifelong gender fixations, in 2014, I didn’t realize that was exactly the premise I started writing in 2016 when I finally jotted down the first couple snippets of Barry, until like the beginning of 2020 🤦‍♀️.  Apparently this story was 25 years in the making and I didn’t even notice.

Little Calise would be very proud, and very embarrassed.  But I think she’d also think grown-up Calise was pretty darn cool for being an adult who writes about both fairies and silly things happening to boys, without being too ashamed to share it.  Because fairies (and making boys squirm) still make everything better.

If after all those disclaimers, you still want to read, then please enjoy
Barry Anderson:

Barry Anderson – Chapter One Barry Anderson – Chapter One

Retro Coronavirus War Posters

Hey guys, I hope you enjoy these little retro-style coronavirus wartime posters I threw together, using vintage illustrations and ads I found.  I was trying to copy the vibes I saw in 1940s posters encouraging people to support the war efforts. They were really fun to make, and I like how they turned out.  I really love the mid-century style, and the posters from that era are such time capsules.

These are a little bit tongue-in-cheek, because it feels a little silly as an adult to be reminded to wash your hands five billion times a day.  But at the same time, I do know that these small measures are making a massive difference, just like stopping “loose lips”, buying war bonds, or “digging for victory” helped in WWII.  So I hope you’ll remember my little coronavirus “wartime” posters and remember you’re legit helping by remembering to do the basics.

Also, I learned while making these just how *into* toilet paper mid-century women were in TP ads… 😳  Granted… I’m starting to get it.

 

 

 

Stay safe and do your part!  :Salute:

<3 Much love,
Calise

Learn to Fly: My Thoughts on Depression, Hope, and Silliness, through Enjoying Foo Fighters

When I started writing this post, I was really struggling with why this was worth talking about.  You may have clicked on this post because of the serious topics mentioned in the header, but that’s not why I started writing this.  Like most things in my life, this little project started as a result of me enjoying people to a silly degree.  There’s a lot of silly stuff in this post; there’s stick figures, there’s looking at how the Four Sides of Calise enjoy music (from my angsty gothic succubus side to my lollipop-glitter princess side), there’s a lot of me going googly over how much I love men (in and out of women’s clothing), there’s a lot of 90s/00s nostalgia, and me watching music/concert videos way too closely.

And I started writing all that silly, basically because it wouldn’t leave me alone; my passion rarely will.  But I was seriously just screwing around.  I pictured the brief stick figure comic at the end of this post and thought I’d just preface it by how much I’ve come to love this music lately.  Honestly I was just having fun talking.  But as I was trying to quick-finish this post over a weekend (pfffft, when am I going to learn that I suck at brevity?!?) I was just struggling on repeat with why the &@%$= writing this mattered.

Like seriously, why the zombie (we’re making that an expletive now, roll with it) should anyone care that someone named Calise likes certain types of rock music, or gets really excited about the facial expressions someone makes while playing the drums??  And even more than that, why would anyone want to read something blissfully dancing around in silliness while the world just sucks right now?

Most of the people I know are having a “hard year.”  I literally cannot enumerate the number of people I care about who have or are currently struggling with heavy bouts of depression or anxiety.  And the number of times this year alone I’ve heard phrases akin to “I thought we’d be together forever,” as I’ve seen relationships come to an abrupt and heart-wrenching end.  People are in serious stomach-plunging freefall right now.

So who am I to be happy?? Continue reading

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